Thursday, October 21, 2010

Hot Piece of Ass

I thought my husband married me for my intelligence…or maybe even my cooking. As it turns out I was just a nice piece of ass, and I gave him a nice glimpse of it before our courtship even began. You’ve probably guessed which Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop I am writing about: wardrobe malfunction.

New to the area, I met my husband at a local business mixer. We were both attending to promote our respective businesses; mine a bed and breakfast, and his an outdoor adventure business. I invited him to my house next day so we could talk “packaging” (in reality, there was only one package of his I was really interested in *wink wink*).

In anticipation of his visit I made sure wear a cute, yet understated, outfit. I knew right away what I wanted: St. John’s Bay blue skirt and a simple white tee shirt. I watched in anticipation as the hot adventurer pulled into the drive, and I waited eagerly at the front door for him. I let him in the house and offered a tour. I was so proud of my business venture. I took him through all the rooms of the bed and breakfast; detailing the history of the house, all the while giving him the low-down on me (letting him know in so many words, I was SINGLE!)

Everything went great!! Before he left he offered to be my “personal tour guide,” and I was ecstatic! I ran upstairs to change into my “clean the house clothes.” I passed the full length mirror in my room, and that’s when I caught a glimpse of it…the back of my skirt, where it’s supposed to be zipped, was split. The zipper was compromised and my underwear (blue lace thong) and butt crack were exposed to the world, namely my hot suitor. It’s no wonder he was so giddy his entire visit. It wasn’t because I was witty, beautiful and what-not…it’s because he was trying to hold his laughter in at the sight of my exposed ass.

Lucky me, he made good on his offer as a personal tour guide, and called two days later to ask me to dinner…he moved in two months later, and the rest is history. At one point, I did confront him about the exposed butt snafu of 2006…but still, to this day, he denies that he followed me up the stairs resisting the urge to touch my crack, or that he ever saw any part of my underwear until many weeks later(*wink wink*)…

**Not my actual butt, however this is a close representation of my wardrobe malfunction.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Wordful Wednesday

We're wearing purple today.

We want to be a part of the voice that stands against bullying our gay youth. God forbid if one of our children takes their life because of being bullied for their lifestyle choice. I cannot fathom the pain that a parent who has lost their son/daughter to suicide goes through. I do not understand what the bullies are thinking as they torment these children. I cannot fathom the pain that a gay youth goes through. The last thing they need to feel is that no one is there for them to talk to, or stands behind who they are. I don't want my children to think they couldn't talk to me. I want to teach my children to be kind and understanding of lifestyle choices, and accepting if people different than them.

So today, we're wearing purple...but it's not just today that is going to change the mindset of people; it's what we do tomorrow...and the day after that...and the day after....

Monday, October 18, 2010

Solitary Confinement

I told my husband "I am leaving you."

He didn't seem too concerned, I guess he figured it'd just be for the day.

I left the jail house , warden husband, and the other inmates kids behind, and I escaped to get a haircut. I can't describe why this was as liberating as it was, but considering liberating used to be going on a Spain, a $15 haircut at Mastercuts was like a trip to Australia.

After the haircut I bought myself some new shirts at Kohl's, then I went to a movie. by. myself. I love being by myself. It was BLISS!! I really need to do it more often.

Family and kids are over-rated wonderful! They provide judgement unconditional love, and a life sentence never-ending companionship, but getting time to myself never happens is important. And not even a "moms-night-out" or "date night" can compare to my alone time. I won't say it re-charged me, because I came home a little pretty damn bitter sad that I had to...well....come home. But I will say with all my attitude good behavior, I hope I get put into solitary confinement out on my own a little more often.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Adventures in NON-babysitting

Writing another Mama Kat's Writers Workshop
I chose:
5.) A memorable babysitting job.

Because I couldn't choose #3, even though I wanted to...I just can't chance it.

I was an awful babysitter. It wasn't that I lacked the desire to babysit, I always wanted my own babysitters club. I would have friends named Claudia, Mallory and Stacey and we'd run a lucrative babysitting business in Connecticut. I just didn't want to actually have to watch kids. Which leads me to my most memorable babysitting story...

My sister worked at McDonalds in high school, her manager was looking for a babysitter. She recommended her younger sister, (me, then 12) as a perfect fit. It was set up that I would watch his 2 kids after school, on weekdays for about 2-3 hours. A nice job, I earned money, and I was cool with that.

I showed up for the first few days of babysitting...and I.was.bored. The kids were annoying, they watched boring cartoons, and I had no interest in spending my afternoons with them. So I slept. What did it hurt? They were watching TV anyway. didn't turn out to hurt anyone, but myself. Because there was that one day their dad got home early from work(or maybe it was on time), and there I was still asleep on their couch while the kids watched TV.

Needless to say he drove me home that night, and he never picked me up to watch them. EVER. AGAIN! Who can blame him!? I think if I came home to find a babysitter asleep on the kids with my toddler aged kids running around, I would go berserk. I am lucky he was a mellow guy, I am lucky he drove me home.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Ever Wonder What a Bitch Looks Like?

Or two bitches for that matter?

bitches (noun)\ˈbich-es\: Usually two women running away with their jogging strollers without offering to help after your angelic son has flipped over the double-stroller containing your 8 month old baby girl.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Where I live....

This post is brought to you by Mama Kat's Writers Workshop...because I am always sucker for a good prompt.

The prompt I chose this week was:

Show us where you live. Not on a map (security please), but take a picture of the view out your front door, back door, or neighborhood.

Instead of showing my neighborhood, (not much of a neighborhood, and I showed a photo of my house in a previous post) I thought I'd show you all the region where I live. I am in LOVE with this region!! It's an absolute dream here, and I wouldn't live anywhere else in the world! I feel pretty strongly about where I let me share with you: its the land of waterfalls, lakes, and wine. It's history is rich, and scenery divine. The nearest metropolitan area is 2 hours away. In fact, we still have farm stands where the honor system is king. Surprisingly, it's still a hidden gem, because if you ask many people if they've heard of where I live they'll tell you "no." I hope you enjoy these photos...and if you're ever interested in visiting where I live let me know...I know some good tour guides (shameless plug) :)

I love where I live because in the Winter it looks like Narnia
I love where I live because we have beautiful waters

I love where I live because there is WINE...LOTS OF WINE, made right here from grapes off these vines

I love where I live, because this was my view on my birthday

I love where I live because we have hundreds of waterfalls, and I still haven't seen them all

I love where I live because natures beauty is literally 2 minutes or less from my house

I love where I live because I can teach my children how to observe and love all of God's creation

I love where I live...did I mention the wine!? OH YEA!! THE WINE!

I love where I live because the ones I love live here

Who Else...??

Is gonna be Buzz Lightyear for Halloween?? None other than my 2 year old. Big shocker, because it's not like there will be 100 other Buzz Lightyear's out there. But at least mine will be rockin' the zebra print glasses...