Thursday, December 3, 2009

Dear Santa,

Happy Holidays…oh wait, I guess I don’t have to be politically correct with you, since you are Father Christmas. So MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! It’s so nice to be able to say that to someone and not worry about offending said person. I mean there is no confusion with you right? You’re all about Christmas! Unless you’re coming during Kwanzaa now and I missed the memo.

So since we’re on this politically correct business, let’s talk about the environment. You’re a notable figurehead, what are you doing for your part? How green are you? Are you making any efforts to be greener? How does the North Pole look these days? Are things a bit watery? What is your contingency plan for when the polar ice caps melt completely? You could relocate to the Yukon Territory. The Yukon seems like a pretty neutral place. Really how sustainable is the North Pole? Don’t you think you could be doing more damage there than good?

A few more things to think about: I’d like you to seriously consider organic milk, with all the growth hormones in regular milk, I don’t think it’s doing your body any good. For my part I’ll leave you some organic cookies I got from Trader Joes, hope you like them. Now I know my friends at PETA have probably contacted you about your use of eight tiny reindeer to haul your sleigh full of presents around the world. I think we can come up with a plan that will benefit everyone involved. Have you ever thought of teleporting? I think it could be advantageous to you, and you’d be done so much faster! Think about it, we don’t want to piss PETA off. Oh, and you might want to think about adopting a polar bear.

So, to surmise: go green Santa, eat better, and treat animals with kindness.

Merry Christmas!

Your Friend,

Mama the Chef

p.s. don’t forget my Net Book

p.p.s. Put Lucky Charms in my stocking please, been craving those this pregnancy

p.p.p.s. DVD copy of An Inconvenient Truth(not really)

p.p.p.p.s I've always wanted to have a sugar glider, I’d name it Moe.

This has been part of Mama Kat's Writers Workshop


My Life in Purple said...

Santa is VERY green, only biodegradable exhaust waste ;)

Thanks for stopping by, come back anytime!


Jen said...

What a fun letter to Santa!

Los said...

We have LED Christmas lights ... does that make us a little greener? I hope so.

Tina said...

haha Great letter!

I too have always wanted a sugar glider.

Miss. Candy said...

Ok what is a sugar glider? Please stop by and fill me in!! Very cute letter!!

Simply Valorie said...

This is great! A very original post. :)

Jill said...

I LOVE it when people say I'm funny! Even if I have to dangle a Target gift card in front of them to do it...

No shame...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!